Q: What is the Secret Pal Exchange?

A: The SPE was conceived by JayQubed as a means for posters to 3WA to get to know one another and have some fun.

The premise is simple. Every month, the participants in the SPE are matched with one another by the coordinator. During the month, participants send their pals fun things. At the end of the month, matches are revealed.

Q: Who is allowed to participate in the SPE?

A: Posters to the 3WA forum are eligible to participate as long as they have 50+ posts. The only exceptions to the 50+ rule are those posters who were participating when the rule was made (prior to March 2002).

Q: How do I sign up?

A: A thread is started on or around the 20th of each month to sign up for the coming month. You can indicate your interest there, or you can let the coordinator know by sending mail to secretpal@threewayaction.com. The deadline for expressing your interest is the 26th of the month. This will allow the coordinator ample time to update files, make matches, and send out notifications prior to the beginning of the month.

The exception to these dates is February. Sign up will begin on the 17th and end on the 23rd.

Q: How will my Pal know what I like?

A: There is a survey on the Secret Pal home page. You fill it in and send it to the coordinator at secretpal@threeway.com. That survey is formatted and linked from the home page so your Pal can access it. Answer all those questions you feel comfortable with. The more thorough you are, the easier it is for your Pal to get to know you.

Q: I've signed up and returned my survey. What next?

A: After the 26th of the month, the coordinator updates the files and the list of participants. Matches are made at random (names are pulled from a hat). Matches are checked against previous months' matches to make sure that you don't have the same Pal twice. Once the matches have been made, e-mail is sent to the participants, announcing your Pal for the month.

Q: I don't have a lot of money. Can I still play?

A: Of course! The SPE wasn't intended to break the bank. It's a way to get to know people and brighten their days along the way.

Q: Okay, so what can I do that will be fun for my Pal but won't hurt my wallet?

A: Be creative. Look at your Pal's survey. Does she think Ireland is the dream vacation? Search for postcards with scenes from Ireland. Send her interesting URLs about Ireland. What about a scavenger hunt? The web is full of fun and interesting sites that will match some (or all) of your Pal's interests. Get thee to Google.

Auctions are another inexpensive way to please your Pal. Do they collect something? Search EBay or Amazon.com Auctions. Maybe you'll find something terrific at just the right price.

Does your Pal have a web site? If so, spend some time there. You'd be amazed at what you can find out.

If your Pal has a web site, and you have mad graphics skills, why not consider making them a kick-ass logo?

Do you visit chat? Does your Pal? Assault them with hints and hi's.

Read the threads on 3WA. Those are a great source of information.

Are you crafty? Homemade gifts are a wonderful idea. (Candles, soaps, bathbombs, etc.)

Other inexpensive gifts? Pencils, pens, markers, candy, stickers, candles, home-made stationary, stamps, bubble bath, pretty soaps, lotions.

There is also an Advisory Board, there to lend a hand when and if you should need it. Send e-mail to the coordinator to get matched with someone.

Q: What can I do to make things easier for the person who has me?

A: Keep your survey and address information up to date.

Q: I found the greatest thing to send to my Pal. How do I get the address?

A: Send e-mail to the coordinator.

Q: I'm afraid my Pal will be able to figure out who I am through my address. What can I do?

A: Send e-mail to the coordinator to arrange a re-mailing effort.

Q: How do I find e-cards to send?

A: You can do a search on Yahoo. Yahoo has an entire category devoted to e-cards.

You can also search for specific types of e-cards.

The coordinator (wonderful soul that she is) has paid subscriptions at Blue Mountain and Egreetings. Those paid subscriptions come with free accounts. An account has been set up at each site. Send e-mail to the coordinator for the username and password. Please note that you won't have access to the e-mail account used for these accounts.

Q: How do I remain secret while sending cards? Don't I need a return address?

A: Usually, yes. If you use the free accounts mentioned above, your e-mail will be the registered address e-mail. (Hosted on the coordinator's site.) You can also get a free e-mail address at hotmail, yahoo, and assorted other places.

Q: Can you send a gift anonymously via Amazon?

A: The general consensus is that you can't, unless it's a gift certificate sent via e-mail. You can always gently suggest that your Pal resist the urge to look at the invoice. You could also paypal the coordinator money and have her place the order at Amazon. Sneaky!

Q: Is there a set number of times per month that I should contact my Pal?

A: We've been 'round and 'round about this. The primary objective of the SPE is to have fun, and we don't want to get dictatorial about this. On the other hand, it sucks when others are singing the praises of their Pals, and you haven't heard jack.

According to the recent poll, 85% of the respondents thought that contacting your Pal two to three times a week was a good number. We strongly suggest that you contact your Pal 8 times during the month. If you don't feel that you can honor that commitment during any month, please don't sign up for that month.

Q: What happens if I don't contact my Pal, or if my Pal doesn't contact me?

A: If your Pal doesn't contact you, e-mail the coordinator. The coordinator will contact your Pal and make sure that everything is okay. It could be that there's a problem with your e-mail address. Maybe something has happened that makes it difficult for your Pal to play. We all understand that shit happens.

If something happens and you are unable to honor your commitment, e-mail the coordinator. There are backup plans in place.

If you don't contact your Pal, you will hear from the coordinator. Please understand that we don't contact you to hassle you. We just want this to be a fun experience for all.

Q: My pal thanked me in the thread for something I didn't do. What's up?

A: The coordinator has sent something on your behalf. If we get complaints from your pal and you fail to follow up on e-mail from one of the coordinators, we will send something so your pal does not feel left out. If you are unable (or unwilling) to contact your pal at least eight times during the month (an average of twice a week), we will do it for you, but not without first contacting you to find out what the problem is. A second complaint from your pal during the same month is a "good" indication that you aren't holding up your end of the bargain, and we will take steps to rectify that.

Q: What are the backup plans?

A: Come now. The coordinator has to keep some secrets.

Q: How do I let my Pal know I've received cards and gifts?

A: There's a thank you thread for each month. If your Pal is showering you with cards, there's no need to acknowledge every one, but it's nice to pop in every once in a while to say thanks.

Q: When do I reveal myself?

A: You don't have to. A list will be posted at the beginning of the next month so everyone can see who their Pal was last month. But lots of people send a "revealing gift" traditionally, at the end of the month.

Q: Who is the coordinator?

A: Currently, it's misscourtness.